Request: What would attract the spiritually abused?

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[EverAStudent]

Note: I have posted this under the "healing forum" and am not seeking debate.  I am seeking input.

Please answer any questions you want to:

1) Would you personally be attracted to or repelled by a church that is designed as and advertises itself as a church to build up those who have been spiritually abused in the past?

2) What phrases would catch your attention or stimulate your interest if you saw them in a church advertisement (with an emphasis on attracting those who were spiritually abused)?

3) What phrases would drive you away from contacting such a church as described above?

Those of us thinking of starting up this ministry come from entirely different denominational backgrounds but have noted seriously similar commonalities regarding church abuse:  obedience to leaders emphasized over obedience to the Word, not teaching the flock how to properly interpret the Word for themselves, leadership claims to have a mystical pipeline to God's will that others do not, using excommunication not for sins but for questioning the leadership on matters of theology, only leadership's teaching is authoritative, telling the flock to obey leadership's personal preferences regarding who to date and what to wear, etc.  Though the church has just been launched the outreach to the abused has not, which is why we are seeking input.

Thank you.

[FeministRebel]

While at GCx, I was in the middle of this deep critical thinking phase, and I think GCx's abuse only served to help me go into places I never had courage to admit to myself that I was actually already exploring... and I am now an atheist. Personally, no kind of message would ever get me back into a church.

BUT... That aside...

I do agree with your commonality assessment below. Those are indeed, all common threads. As to if advertisement would work... ? Maybe it might work (especially, if folks are aware of this forum, or have found out through this forum), or maybe it might be embarrassing. Personally... for years... I was too embarrassed for anyone to find out what I had gone through. I actually kept most of the details from my husband until just recently, when I found this site, and I felt like I could actually put words to experience and SHOW him what I went through, and how others have gone through it as well. It really made me feel very used and duped -- and it's not easy going around thinking it was one's fault, for being naïve, or being 'too dumb' to fall for such things. Of course, now I know and understand this is not the case -- and it's a place of vulnerability when others use your spiritual search or spiritual openness as a way to get a foothold into controlling you. But... would be this be like a giant label for some folks still in a place of healing? "The spiritually abused person who attends the spiritually abused church?" Or maybe... if it were INDIRECT advertising... like say, just advertise what your church will be about (aside from the spiritually abused aspect), and then add some kind of caveat with the phrase "We do NOT condone spiritual abuse, and ALL past spiritually abused persons are welcome within these doors, and welcome to seek out connections and openness with others. We respect privacy." That way... whoever wants to identify can do so, and whoever doesn't feel they can, doesn't have to?

Just my perspective.

[Janet Easson Martin]

Dear EverAStudent,

Cool!  I'll be praying for this wonderful ministry. 

Janet

[TheAtheist]

1) Likely repelled
2) Empirical, evidence-based
3) Truth, God's Word, Creation

[araignee19]

When I first left GC, I would have been quite repelled by a church like this. I didn't want anyone to know I was a Christian for a while, because I wasn't even sure what that name meant anymore. Even after I separated what I think my faith should be from what it had become, it took a long time for me to get to the point I was able to tell people I was in a spiritually abusive church. It's still hard for me to admit. I would also have worried at first that this type of church would be the same as the one I left (they preached they could bring "healing" as well). I was afraid of letting leadership know me, as knowing my weaknesses and struggles could allow them to control me. Going to a church like this would let them know my biggest struggle by default, and then I would probably share a lot there, so that would have made me feel very vulnerable.

However, now that I have worked through a lot of the biggest struggles, I would love to meet other people who are in similar situations as I am. It would be neat to share my story with people who truly understand, and to work through the rest of the lingering problems with them. I have shared my story with a few friends, and none of them really seem to understand how difficult it has been for me leaving GC. 

As far as phrases: when I was looking for a church to attend after leaving, I scanned through many websites. Any that seemed to over emphasize certain things were crossed off my list. A few of the terms I looked for were "discipleship," "openness," and "intentionally seeking God." I'm sure there are others, but I can't think of them right now.

[EverAStudent]

Thanks for the input.  We have not yet posted our first advertisement online, but this is soon to happen.  We are delayed because the pastor's wife is fearful due to her ongoing connections in their previous (and abusive) denomination and she is worried about being judged by them--such holds are hard to shake off.  Personally, I think we need to risk the arrows and bullets and go for it.

[TheAtheist]

Actually, unfortunately, I think GC's marketing is effective for casting a wide net for people who have been hurt by religion, but IMO representative of a bad faith implementation of it. "Want Jesus without the religion?" or "Jesus is my savior, not my religion" seems to superficially negate a definition of religion as "a collection of belief systems, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to spirituality and, sometimes, to moral values." This can create a mistaken impression about the rigor of their belief system and world view when GC and others initially emphasize cultural values most people will find acceptable and pleasing. The cultural message is not GC's alone, however, as this is a common denominator and founding principle of the "Jesus movement". Other organizations IMO do a better job of focusing on the ethical principles of Jesus.

Effective and ethical marketing clearly defines what you're offering. But if your aim is 'complete submission to Christ and we, his earthly authorities' then that's harder to market in an upfront fashion. Is the culture of your organization communitarian, authoritarian, libertarian or populist? What is your epistemology? And what are some of the main distinguishing truths? If you can define these, you are well on your way to an ethical and upfront description which will not only be fair to people who have been hurt by religion but still want to believe, but also be attractive to like-minded people in general.

[EverAStudent]

Dear TheAtheist,

Much of what you have said is quite accurate with regard to our intentions as a new church startup.  We have been laboring hard to openly and accurately define our beliefs and philosophies up front (i.e. no surprises or hidden agendas).  When we finally do post we want to be able to say "our mission is to train Christians to be more faithful to Christ, to love Him more, and to provide them the skills sets to be able to read and interpret the Word of God for themselves so that they may be better equipped to go out into their community to serve Him" or something like that.

Of course, we also want to explain that our mission includes helping those abused by various church situations to reconnect with a local church and to Christ.  Being outside joint fellowship is a tough way to go as a Christian.

As for our church organizational structure, we do not define individual ministries, missions, or life goals.  Each member must find that for themselves.  Hokey projects or campaigns can be summarily ignored by the attendees (and doing so has helped the leadership see the lack of wisdom in the idea).

Regarding lifestyle, LOL, most GC'ers would not like our approach.  Even the pastor and his wife watch The Amazing Race avidly on TV LOL.  Perhaps worse, for the GC community, at present no one in leadership draws a salary from the church; everyone is independently employed.  The fear behind this is that a salary would put too much strain on the church members and that the rich in the church would be able to exercise undue influence over the paid staff, if there were any.  That is not to say the staff will not one day be paid, but not now.