What Do Healthy Churches Look Like?
Choosing Our Spiritual Family
In the excerpt below from
When You Are Ready To Try Again: Going Back to Church, Jeff VanVonderen raises very good questions about any church we are considering being part of. He lists them as healthy guidelines to aid our search. I have underlined and made bold what I found particularly helpful. The link for this article can be found at the end.
"When we were born we had no idea what was in store for us in our physical family. And we had nothing to say about the behaviors, character traits, or priorities of our biological family. None of us could choose what our family would be like.
But what if it weren’t impossible? What if we did have a choice? What if, prior to actually becoming part of a family, we were given some choice in the matter and some guidelines that would help us look for a healthy family? We do have this kind of opportunity when it comes to our church family. We do have a choice. And guidelines do exist. The New Testament tells us some of the things we can expect in our spiritual family, among them support from one another, love, and a place to be in process.
Based on those guidelines, here are some questions that I would ask about any family I was considering becoming a member of:
- Do people in this family care about things that really matter?
- Do people in this family respond to people’s mistakes with grace and patience?
- Are the people in this family gentle and giving?
- Or are they mean, caring only about themselves?
- Is telling the truth in this family more important than image management?
- Does honesty get sacrificed in the service of maintaining a superficial, false peace?
- After being with this family for a while, do I have a growing dependence on the work of Jesus? Do I revel more and more in his love?
- Or do I feel emotionally and spiritually heavier as time goes on, and less qualified to be a family member?
I hope that you have gained permission to be in a healing process. And I hope you have had a glimpse of what is yours as a son or daughter of a God who loves you and is patient with that process..."(
http://www.spiritualabuse.com/?page_id=53)
I think we should be wary of church groups who try to possess us without our careful consideration and own choosing. We should also have our antennae up for who they grant respect and dignity, and be certain it is not a given few, but all.
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