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Author Topic: A few questions about GCM today  (Read 2368 times)
C19IN
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« on: October 29, 2021, 03:05:48 pm »

So a few questions about GCM today (I currently attend a GCM church)

1. What is there belief on dating, marriage and money, do they belive that you have to have a very good paying job ($50,000 at minimum or so) in order to get married, and that you have to have that to even start dating

2. do they gossip to girls (aka tell a girl that you like or that likes you) about things like how you are doing spiritually (in there eyes) financially, or about your flaws and things you need help with or struggle with

and do the leaders ever try to control who dates who, and relationships
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2021, 05:16:29 pm »

Welcome, C19IN. There is a Section on this site dedicated to Gender Roles, Dating & Marriage where you can find all kinds of topic threads on these subjects. They are also mentioned in other sections which you could do a search by typing in the word you’re looking for and see what former GCx members have to say.

Unfortunately GCx Churches have traditionally usurped the role of the Holy Spirit and family, who know you best, in the processes of dating and marriage. The GCx elders have strangely played a far greater part in these matters than is healthy. No doubt part of their interest was to thwart marriages to those outside their church or those on the fringes so that they could manipulatively persuade people to remain. Yes, the “elders” definitely judged and demeaned people to their “older” brothers and sisters; and even to those who were considering a “marriage” relationship. There are too many sad stories of elders breaking up already established couples. I’m guessing a terrible amount of people were labeled not very “spiritual” (or good marriage material) simply because they didn’t have undying devotion to GCx, or an elder did not personally like them.

People were definitely and unfairly judged by that scale in general as to the measure of care and attention they should receive. I followed in the footsteps of those who practiced this and very sadly hurt too many people. Hopefully those I hurt have learned that was NOT the love of Christ. That was idolatry.



« Last Edit: October 29, 2021, 05:58:19 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
margaret
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« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2021, 04:59:22 am »

Welcome, C19IN.

1. I'd say that every local church is different. Like Janet said, some indeed will usurp the role of the Holy Spirit, and attempt to sway you with their opinions. Some dislike dating altogether--some allow you to decide.

2. Again, every local church is different. But yes, some gossip.

Some have internal hierarchies set up via small groups, by gender, and by those "chosen" or "recognized" as upcoming/promising leaders within various groups. Some individuals have even said that they would not marry until permitted to do so by their small group leader, who, naturally, was reporting to his/her higher-up, their higher-up, etc. Some call this "gossip," others call it "concern."
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C19IN
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« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2021, 05:31:08 pm »

what section has to deal with dating and marriage

alos margaret, at my church one of the "leaders" when asked about sharing stuff that I struggle with (not sinful stuff, but personal stuff) and say it would be wrong to share it he said it wouldn't, because it "would come out anyway" what is your thought on that.
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Huldah
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« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2021, 12:42:33 pm »

Hi, C19IN. Your question was addressed to Margaret, but I hope it's okay if I also offer an opinion.

It can be helpful to share your struggles, but not necessarily with just anyone.

It's fine if you take your time, getting to know people before you open up about personal things. It's fine if you only share a little at a time, while you evaluate whether your confidants are trustworthy and respectful. Also, some people just won't ever feel comfortable sharing in small groups or Bible study settings. If you're one of those people, then save the personal stuff for when you're with one or two proven friends. Besides, you can always share more later on if you want to, but you can't take back what you've already shared.

If you have reason to consider seeing a counselor at your church, keep in mind that lay counselors may not have the same privacy restrictions that certified professional counselors have. You're always free to ask whether your information will be shared with the pastors or anyone else, for purposes of prayer or for any other reason. If you ever feel pressured or put on the spot to share immediately, it's okay to stall with something like, "I'd have to give that some thought," or even a blunt, "That's just not something I'm comfortable talking about right now." A person who truly has your welfare in mind won't make you feel trapped.

The Gender Roles forum is here: http://forum.gcmwarning.com/gender-roles-marriage-dating-and-courtship/. It has some fascinating reading.
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margaret
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« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2021, 05:23:21 pm »

In my local church, one was encouraged to share the super personal, and sinful, stuff.  And then it would get fed up the line to the leaders.  And then used against you later, as 'reminders' of how you 'fell short.' 
IMO it comes out later because they pull it out of you over time...in order to use it against you later. I saw it happen--repeatedly.
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