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August 18, 2019, 08:18:52 am *
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Author Topic: I could really use some advice  (Read 1117 times)
JustGiveMeJesus
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« on: September 20, 2018, 03:09:53 pm »

Hey everybody.  Smiley so I recently left a GCC church that I was attending for 2 years. For the last year there, I was dating a guy who also (still) goes to that church. While my eyes were being opened to this counterfeit church, they were simultaneously being opened to how wicked this guy I was dating it. So I broke up with him and left the church about 2 weeks ago.

I found out that he had been lying to me, which he did from the beginning of our relationship, about his porn addiction. So I told him it was over. He was also into consistently turning to alcohol when life was stressful, gambling, and chasing after more money. So it wasnt a hard decision for me.

He is a very forceful and proud person, so he hardly takes no for an answer. Knowing this, I blocked his number and blocked him on social media platforms so he would leave me alone and hopefully respect my wishes. He acts like he owns me. When I told him I wanted to break up he kept saying ďthatís coming from a place of hurt... I know you donít mean thatĒ - just so narcissistic and disrespectful!!!

Iíve told him to leave me alone. To not come to my home or my work.

He just showed up at my apartment and knocked on my door for 15 minutes and when I didnít answer he came over to my window and knocked for 10 more minutes. I just kept praying and praying that God would send him away, and eventually he left.

What should I do if he does this again? Or if he shows up to my work? Or stalks out my place and waits for me to get home and stops me on my way in??? What do I do?Huh  Embarrassed


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Differentstrokes
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« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2018, 03:28:53 pm »

Hi! Good for you leaving a toxic situation and getting away from a toxic person. It's hard to leave a relationship like that! If you feel like he is dangerous, deffinitely call the police next time he shows up! And look into getting a restraining order. Don't tell him you are calling the police if he is there, just do it. Telling someone one you are calling the police increases risk of escalation. If you have any close friends I would maybe see if they can escort you for a little while, he's less likely to be aggressive if someone else is there. I would also talk to your manager or someone at work, so they know you don't want to see him and can call the police if he shows up.
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Differentstrokes
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« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2018, 03:30:32 pm »

Don't be afraid to call the police, or do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. Some thing I think a lot of church survivors struggle with is putting them self first, which is what you really need to do. I wish I could help out more, but you can always message me here if you would like to!!
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Huldah
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« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2018, 03:42:33 pm »

You might consider calling your local domestic abuse hotline and getting their advice on a safety plan.

Even though your ex may never have raised a hand against you (so far), his behavior is on the spectrum of domestic abuse. Abuse is more than violence; it includes coercion and control.

The Ohio Domestic Violence Network is at http://www.odvn.org and their number is 800-934-9840. Tell them he has started to stalk you, and you need safety advice.

So sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else.
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Rebel in a Good Way
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« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2018, 07:47:13 am »

Good advice above, I just want to reiterate that there is nothing unloving or unChristian about protecting yourself even if it results in consequences for the guy, because they are HIS consequences.  That can be confusing for those of us who were trained to be "GCC nice" (i.e. let people walk all over you).

Contacting the domestic violence network is a great start. Another resource is the Stalking Resource Center. http://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center

If it were me and I had a good relationship with my boss, I would inform them so they know not to let anyone to have access to you.  You could text a safe person when you're leaving work and then text them when you get home so they know you made it. Or be on a phone call with them.  Whatever you need to do in the moment to be safe IF you see him is fine.  I would also document what you've told him so far and take screen shots of any messages you've sent asking him not to have any contact with you. 

So sorry that even though you've escaped the church you have this guy following you  Embarrassed
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OneOfMany
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« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2018, 03:40:22 pm »

I highly recommend a one time appointment with an attorney that specializes in domestic abuse. This is because they will understand what you should and should not do, and how to do it so you have the proper kind of documentation.

Well done leaving such a toxic situation.
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2018, 06:24:06 pm »

I am praying for you to hear no more from this man, and for God to intervene.

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For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
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