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Author Topic: loss of many  (Read 2364 times)
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« on: April 14, 2007, 09:33:36 pm »

I have years and years (literally) of good memories.  The city I was saved in, the fun and rock climbing.  The summer that followed, I dealt with the death of two of my friends, and my last remaining grandparent passed away.  My small group leader, roomate, and best friend, stood beside me; she wanted to be there when I needed her and supremely understood my need for space in dealing with all of this.  The male leader, I remember helping me too, talking when I needed, and clarifying many GC teachings that confused me so, considering my current situation.  I remember many hikes at turbo speed, feeling like I could leave everything else behind with another guy friend from GC that summer.  We all lived in the mountains, he and I would roll out of bed, hike all morning, then work through the afternoon.  I trusted him with everything, even things I was so sure I would tell no one.  He stayed concerned about a health/psychological aspect of my life far beyond anyone else.  His support helped me conquer a dangerous sin that could have ended my life.

I owe a lot to these men and women.  I realize that their time for major involvement in my life is over with because of my disbelief in GC, and my conflicts with GC.  It changes people and rules relationships, I regret to say...it rules how members (even those closest to you) see you.  This control is very difficult for them to see or believe beyond.  It destroys friendship.

Though I will never be able to regain or recreate the friendships I lost I am so much happier with who I am, how I behave, and how I experience life outside of GC; I can't go back, and after having life uncontrolled by such strict rules and standards.  Life without ritual puts God first.
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